There were only 15 of us and we had to wear masks and wait outside, but it was still a joyous occasion. Even a man in a British Gas van jubilantly blasted his horn

After competitive sourdough and competitive who-has-it-hardest, the virus now brings us competitive unsentimentality. Some people do not care whether or not weddings go ahead or Christmas is cancelled, and they would like it noted that this is because they are grownups.

Others care a great deal, and this is because they are not robots. I am more worried about Halloween. I can predict the wild street scenes, half the houses wanting to keep things festive for the kids, the other half bog-eyed at such irresponsibility, neighbour against neighbour, festering resentments giving way to full civil war, with a bunch of seven-year-olds in the middle of it all, dressed as ghosts. Which, now I come to think about it, sounds quite fun.

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